Almost broke, Santa ran out of cashThe workshop’s a mess, there were holes in the floor
Conveyor belts squeaked, there was no budget forfixing the equipment, elves never got breaks
They worked double shifts, made a lot of mistakes
Would Christmas be canceled ‘cause Santa’s so poor?
Then his jaw dropped down at the knock on the door.
An OSHA inspection at Santa’s workshop?
The elves kept sweatin’ ‘cause the shop was so hot.
“Please don’t arrest us. We have asbestos
… suits to hide from the heat…. for the record”
“Asbestos was banned in the 70s man.
And that hard hat you have’s obsolete, Peter Pan
They whipped out their pencils and checked every box.
Santa looked like Christmas might be stopped.
Fine, fine, fine, fine Christmas
Give Kringle a fine, fine, fine, this Christmas
Those government guys sure look suspicious
All the children will cry, cry, cry this Christmas
The inspection was over and Santa was flippin’
Uncle Sam’s agents looked ready to whip him
They gave him what looked like a stack of citations
he put on his specs, it was really donations.
The OSHA employees took up a collection
from OSHA coworkers in every direction
And then the inspectors broke into a smile
as we all jumped into the big money pile
The workshop went crazy, the elves began jumping
St. Nick laughed and started fist-bumping
Now he could pay them a minimum wage
And obey every rule that was there on the page.
He ran through the room with the basket of checks
and the OSHA folks left on the Polar Express
And then Santa shouted to all who would listen
I don’t think they measured the reindeer emissions.
Uh-Oh SANTA! They heard you!
Now they’re coming back!
Uh-Oh SANTA, are you crazy?
Why did he say that?